i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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