John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
