is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
