i jhust puked up my retainher.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
