The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
