I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
