i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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