dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
