tell your sister to shave her snatch
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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