so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
