White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
