The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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