Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
