what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
