I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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