The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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