i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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