Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize