Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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