God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
