There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
nutella sex= disaster
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
is it fun? or sober?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
