I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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