I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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