I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
