She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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