So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
