I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im six kinds of drunk right now
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
