I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
