You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
