If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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