sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
