How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
