Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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