doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
