can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize