even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
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He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize