I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
