remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
