He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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