you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
