sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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