My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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