I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
