I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Houston, we have a squirter
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I will be naked everywhere
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
