real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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