and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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