I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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