I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
