I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
