he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize