youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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