mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
