I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am available for nakedness
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
