God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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