I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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