I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So vagazzling was a success
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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