Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
