Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
