Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
