I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
