its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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