I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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