just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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