I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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