If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
