Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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