Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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