I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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