I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
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Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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