there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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