Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
