So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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