I forgot how hot balto sounded
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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