Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
