I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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