I hate your face
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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