Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
