I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
