did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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