sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
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I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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