spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So much Jack, so little girl.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
