I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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