I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
