why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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